"Do not cry because it is over, but smile because it happened"
It's been a long time coming, but today is my final day. The end of who I was, my identity is over. It's not as if it wasn't seen to be coming, there has been a mist in the air for a long time now, as I barely managed to stay afloat whilst treading water. But now my body is tired and I'm getting nowhere, so it needs to end.
No more will I be walked over. No more will I be used. No more will I have to tolerate the lies, and the selfishness and the shit. No more will I hate myself.
I'm sick of seeing the selfishness in people. Using others for their own ends. Hurting people to make themselves feel better. There are some truly amazing people out there in this world, but they are so few and far between. The ones I have had the privilege to meet however, whether they liked me or not, are my real heroes.
I'm tired of feeling like this. Of having an inescapable void in my chest dredging down everything I care about. Of having arguments in my head because I always manage to say the wrong thing. I don't have ill intent for anyone, I just want to see people happy, and I do often fail at even that.
I'm tired of holding on for people that don't deserve it. I'm tired of always finishing in second. I hate that no matter how hard I work, no matter how good I am, life is simply a popularity contest that my social anxiety fucks up at every turn it can.
I do everything I can to be a good person, though that makes me an asshole, because I tell you how it is. I'd sooner have you hate me and be okay, than to love me and be sad. But it's incredibly lonely.
Today will be my final day, for tomorrow, I do not know who I will awake as, but I refuse to spend on more day as this person. I will have to give up parts of me I never thought I would. But without that, I would truly be dead.
