Re:birth

What a long, strange trip it's been.

Life is a funny thing, doncha think?

Right now, I'm sitting here, feeling like I should be feeling shit. But I don't. I feel strong. Don't get me wrong, I was upset, but when something stagnates, you need to chop it off at it's source.

There was a time when I wouldn't be able to cope. There was a time when I'd just break down, but this time is not then.  You know what that says to me?

It tells me I'm better

The point I've been reaching for, for such a long time now, I feel like I've arrived. I feel like I've taken back control of my life from that shit pit that it fell into. A whole world of possibilities and regrets await me. And I'm more than ready to face it, head on.

I know I said my last post would be my final one, but I am rescinding my end statement, for nothing is truly at an end. I shall not be blogging now to cope, but to relish in this life I have made and taken for myself.

I'm not afraid any more.
I'm not going to lose myself any more.
I refuse to let myself fall back into that pit.

No longer will my fears control me.

It's time to take risks. Jumping in where I would have run away. Falling off isn't so bad after all, just gotta brush off and try again.

Change is afoot, I can smell it in the air, feel its electricity floating all around me, and it's time I embraced it all. No more pushover, no more letting myself get taken advantage of. No more self destruction, no more keeping the toxic people in my life, just because it's easy..

Over the coming months, I'll weed out the poison in my life and remove it, so if you're part of the poison, though I doubt anyone taking the time to read this will be, then we'll soon be saying our goodbyes. Time to surround myself with my true friends, and the people who care about me.

Basically, I don't give a fuck if you don't like me. I'm not out to be liked by people that don't accept me. It's time to finally take off this mask and see the world for what it is, and to let myself be seen and shine.

I've realized how blessed I am to have as many diverse friends that I do, and though some I may speak to less often than others, I know they can be counted upon.

My Uni family is especially important to me, as they've got me through the shit times and aided my growth to this point, whether they were with us from day 1, or new joiners in year 3, they're the best group of friends anyone could ask for, and I want any of them that happen to read this to know how thankful and happy I am to be with them. Seriously, I couldn't have done it without all of you.

I now have a greater understanding of people, and myself, with everything that's gone on, so I'm not regretful at all. I can empathize with problems better, I can help more people because I've been in the shit and fought through it.

I still have my words, the one true art form, the window into myself, and the one constant in my life. I will continue to use them to better as many people as I can. I may still be crazy, but I'm crazy like a fox ;)

Time for Kexys to shine bright once again :)