Worthless

I hate days like today. No matter what I seem to do, when I get in a funk, I just can't shake it off, and the entire day becomes shitty. I feel full on worthless.

I couldn't sleep last night, ended up drifting off at 6am. Woke up midday after a bad dream sent me into a full on panic attack. Stupid. In the dream I was arguing with a friend over such petty shit, but it triggered a full day of worthlessness. It took me 15 minutes to stop shaking, and since, my heart has felt physically heavy all day, like I can feel it weighing down my chest.

Now, nothing I have done today is out of the ordinary. I've text people, played games, sung.. and that's about it. Fairly normal day for me. But I've had that nagging doubt that everyone I was talking to was just getting sick and bored of me, to the point where I stopped talking to anyone around 7pm ish.. I've been distracted in games, and every time I've messed something up it's brought me down further, it's either perfection or nothing.

I hope this goes away tomorrow, but I'm afraid to go to sleep, in case that dream comes back and sets me back again. I don't want to deal with another day of worthlessness.

What I wouldn't give to feel wanted. To think that, somewhere out there, someone actually gave a shit. If i were to disappear right now, noone would notice, and even if they did, it would only be because I wasn't doing something I was supposed to. Noone would care.

It's just pure worthlessness. It's just me.

Kexys