As promised, an update on the roleplaying goodness!
MONDAY: My campaign, set in a homebrew world, different from the normal pathfinder and DnD settings. How? You ask. Why, young scallywag, because this world has Technology instead of magic. Le gasp! Technology! In a fantasy setting! Are you mad Kex? Well, yes, actually, I think I am. Currently, the party is Flying around the Nanclonian borders, looking to find the shrine of Gaia, to reclaim the lost power of the earth. Meanwhile, the Dynassian Army is hot on their trail, after the same goal, but with a completely different purpose in mine for its power.
WEDNESDAY 1: Terrys game. A yet to start adventure, using the Mage: The Ascension rule set. This is one I have been looking forward to. I play an ancient and powerful sorceress, who used to be widely feared and reviled, until she was bested in magery and forced into the permanent body of a child. for over a millennia, she has waited, despirately searching for the one who cursed her, so that she might take her revenge!
WEDNESDAY 2: Richards game. The Jade Kingdom, Pathfinder adventure. In this game, I play the mighty Lux, powerful summoner and disciple of Cayden Caylien, the Accidental God. In true Cayden style, Lux tries to always be drunk when he goes adventuring, his summon reflecting this, by using a hefty beer stein as its favoured weapon.
THURSDAY 1: Antonys game. A dark heresy setting, which, although it has been running for a while, I have never quite made it to. However, it does look fun, and when I do eventually get there, I can call shenanigans, as my guardsman carries everything that can explode, burn, maim and otherwise cause fatal bodily harm to the Xenos. For the Emperor!
THURSDAY 2: Chips game. As far as I am aware, we are in a homebrew world of Chips making, using the Savage worlds ruleset. The system is phenominal. I play the loud-mouthed, heroic Venn, who never lets and evil act go unpunished, even when the odds aren't in his favour. With his Giant's Knife, Shotgun, and faithful hound, Keroberos, he seeks to rid the world of its evil tormentor, the games master, even if this means death for himself.
FRIDAY: Marc's game. A fun campain lead by a fun DM. Me and chip were given free reign in this game, and I do sometimes feel like we are punishing marc for it. hitting 36 AC is kind of obsene on a 4th level character, especially when you have a burning riposte and kill everything that swings at you. I play Hitori for this game, a retake on my first ever DnD char, only this one is rilkan, and far more.. Pose-y. He likes to be in the spotlight.
SATURDAY: Chips game. This game is set in Victorian England, and uses the dresden files RPG system rules. I play Kit, Knight of the Summer Court. Amusingly, another player rolled up the Knight of the Winter Court, so obviously, there is going to be some conflict there. Kit however, doesn't care. He is the perfect gentleman, a charmer to the ladies, and a fierce opponent in battle.
SUNDAY: Richards game. Set in the Dark Sun setting, this is a harsh world to be adventuring in, fortunately, for Batalax. He doesn't much need to worry much about the beating sun, or lack of water, being a warforged and all. Batalax is a simple construct, looking for his purpose in life outside of the arena, constantly looking to prove himself against the biggest and strongest opponents he can find.
And. there you have it, a list of all the games, and a short description of the role I play in them. It was actually alot of fun writing this, moreso than maybe it should have been.
Anyhow, Kex out.
Tuesday 28 February 2012
Deception
I considered writing this on my private blog, but then, what is the point. I'm not going to hide any more. I will however be censoring everything I write, as it is only fair to myself and others.
Its a mixed bag today, and with reflection, I can see I fell prey to basic human selfishness. I try to do my best to step away from the standard selfish person's shadow, and into my own code of conduct. However, today, the words that were said in my head had to be censored. I found out that a friend had some bad news, now, this news could work in my favour, and instead of feeling sorry for them, I felt happy for myself. This made me feel terrible inside. I do however understand that this is basic human programming.
I think I'll leave the big details out of here, if anyone is truly interested, then just ask me. But like I said, today was a mixed bag. I was more content than I had been in a while. Singing and dancing with Jade was awesome, even with the mockery of the catalogues :P. And I was able to give her a real hug and not feel bad about it :). Something felt off, however, and while I understand that that probably isn't me, paranoia sets in.
My sleeping is still kinda bad, I'm sleeping through alarms and stuff. I miss having the friendly ghost around to wake me up in the mornings. I had hoped the ghost would follow me to my new house, but she seems to be tied to the old place, I just hope she's been able to put up with the old asshole for so long, it would be a shame to never see her again.
I'ma try and pop into the Warren again before club tomorrow, I know I'm a fool, but at least I am a consistent fool! I've not been to club since Saturday :o. I miss it lol. I think I'll do a quick update after this one regarding the games I'm currently in, and the characters I play in each :D
UCAS is done! I can't believe it, literally everything has been sorted out. I didn't expect it to be so easy. I guess the hard part starts now.
Anyhow folks, I guess that's all for this post. I'll keep y'all informed!
Kex
Its a mixed bag today, and with reflection, I can see I fell prey to basic human selfishness. I try to do my best to step away from the standard selfish person's shadow, and into my own code of conduct. However, today, the words that were said in my head had to be censored. I found out that a friend had some bad news, now, this news could work in my favour, and instead of feeling sorry for them, I felt happy for myself. This made me feel terrible inside. I do however understand that this is basic human programming.
I think I'll leave the big details out of here, if anyone is truly interested, then just ask me. But like I said, today was a mixed bag. I was more content than I had been in a while. Singing and dancing with Jade was awesome, even with the mockery of the catalogues :P. And I was able to give her a real hug and not feel bad about it :). Something felt off, however, and while I understand that that probably isn't me, paranoia sets in.
My sleeping is still kinda bad, I'm sleeping through alarms and stuff. I miss having the friendly ghost around to wake me up in the mornings. I had hoped the ghost would follow me to my new house, but she seems to be tied to the old place, I just hope she's been able to put up with the old asshole for so long, it would be a shame to never see her again.
I'ma try and pop into the Warren again before club tomorrow, I know I'm a fool, but at least I am a consistent fool! I've not been to club since Saturday :o. I miss it lol. I think I'll do a quick update after this one regarding the games I'm currently in, and the characters I play in each :D
UCAS is done! I can't believe it, literally everything has been sorted out. I didn't expect it to be so easy. I guess the hard part starts now.
Anyhow folks, I guess that's all for this post. I'll keep y'all informed!
Kex
Friday 24 February 2012
Insomnia
Its been a whole week now, I just can't sleep properly. Tiredness sets in early, yet sleep just will not take me. When I do manage to sleep, I am plagued by epic dreams. Each one different, yet completely memorable, so deep and vivid, I don't remember ever having such strong dreams, or at least remembering them for so long in succession. Maybe it is a sign of change.
I finally realised today where I have been going wrong for the last 2 years, and where I've gone right the last 2 months. I was trying to "re-find" myself, looking to the me of the past, when I should have been forging my own future. I have let loose recently, become the person I wasn't, and I can't help but feel good about myself, learning things in moderation is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I can only assume its going to be a beneficial lesson to learn.
Starting immediately, I'm going to add more structure to my life. Hopefully, not completely regimented, but with enough stability for me to establish various routines and good habits again, like daily walks and remembering to do my stretches and jump practise.
I have all but applied for University now. Student finance, and most of the form is filled in, I literally just need a few lost details, and a quick personal statement polish, and it'll be ready to send. It is a little daunting, but I've never been more ready for it. The thought of finally pressing on with my life is one that energises me to new levels.
The next few weeks are gonna be tight, financially, as I make every effort to get all my bills paid off. I've made contingency plans, however. Setting a food budget of £6 for a fortnight was tough, but I can make it last. By the time my birthday comes around, everything should be up to date and paid off, meaning cheaper fortnightly payments and proper meals again.
Anyhow, its 4am, and I can feel a bout of tiredness coming on, maybe I'll sleep this time. G'night.
Kex
Oh yeah, one last thing for you manly men. I challenge you to watch this and not smile :P
I finally realised today where I have been going wrong for the last 2 years, and where I've gone right the last 2 months. I was trying to "re-find" myself, looking to the me of the past, when I should have been forging my own future. I have let loose recently, become the person I wasn't, and I can't help but feel good about myself, learning things in moderation is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I can only assume its going to be a beneficial lesson to learn.
Starting immediately, I'm going to add more structure to my life. Hopefully, not completely regimented, but with enough stability for me to establish various routines and good habits again, like daily walks and remembering to do my stretches and jump practise.
I have all but applied for University now. Student finance, and most of the form is filled in, I literally just need a few lost details, and a quick personal statement polish, and it'll be ready to send. It is a little daunting, but I've never been more ready for it. The thought of finally pressing on with my life is one that energises me to new levels.
The next few weeks are gonna be tight, financially, as I make every effort to get all my bills paid off. I've made contingency plans, however. Setting a food budget of £6 for a fortnight was tough, but I can make it last. By the time my birthday comes around, everything should be up to date and paid off, meaning cheaper fortnightly payments and proper meals again.
Anyhow, its 4am, and I can feel a bout of tiredness coming on, maybe I'll sleep this time. G'night.
Kex
Oh yeah, one last thing for you manly men. I challenge you to watch this and not smile :P
Monday 20 February 2012
Becoming
Every day, I'm becoming more like the person I'm not. I welcome this change with open arms. I stayed in a crowded area for almost 3 hours. More crowded than I have been in for nearly 2 years now. The other me seems so far away now, and the reparations will take more than a little work, but I'm well on my way there.
I can imagine that in as little as a month or 2, I will finally be ahead, financially. And that will reduce my stress levels even further. Living off a food budget of ~£15 has not been fun for sure. I've done some things recently that seemed out of character for me, yet I'm glad I did them, even if I was turned down. I can also hope that this time next month I'll be back at Cheerleading properly. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time now. Though, my current health state is dire, I plan on fixing that with a regular routine and exercising. The boredom I faced today was a new feeling, one that I can only assume will help with my exercise. I mean, if I'm bored, I have an excuse to go and do something.
Quitting WoW raiding may be the best thing I have ever done. I think, in no little way, I was addicted to it. And although people joke about gaming addiction, its only after breaking the habit that you realise the true detrimental effect it had on your life. I mean sure, the only reason I got so into it was a series of unfortunate events, but the way I played was vicious and caused me to become a shell of the former me. The me that I now plan to reclaim.
I've read my former posts here, and they are all drivel. Hearty lovey-dovey crap. I was an emotional train wreck. I probably still am to some extent, but I'm not going to let that control me. I have the will here, not my anxiety. Aside from that whole shithole with the Jobcenter last week, everything has been going up and up so far. It took a special push to be able to quit WoW, and even though you are unaware you are responsible, you have changed my life for the better.
I am Kexys. not some whiny shell of a human being. Its time to ake a hold of my own life and fix it in a way that only I can. There are a few things I need to do first though.
1) Get a Job. As soon as possible. As many hours as possible, preferably in a field I enjoy, but any Job I could do would be welcome.
2) Get my ass back to Cheer. I love my squad, and in my heart I never ever stopped being a cheerleader. The only thing that going back can do is make me feel better about myself.
3) Conquer this Anxiety. Whether this means frequent trips ito the bar, until I can stomach the full place all night, or even just taking the lift upstairs to club. I'm going to focus my efforts on fixing what was broken.
4) Find myself a girlfriend. I'm sick of being the single one, or the friend zoned one. Its time I had a woman in my life. I deserve one dammit.
5) Try to be generally nicer to everyone. Spread love and tolerance people. Though, I'm not particularly not nice to anyone. Maybe I'll try and get others to be nicer to everyone.
Last night I had a fantastic dream. Me and a friend were travelling on a train or ship of some kind, and people were dying one by one. In the end, we enlisted the help of the Fae and saved the world. I remember a battle scene where one of our party, and 2 small faeries had slain the big bad, but it resurrected as some nasty tentacled monster on top of the train and killed them. Fortunately, I managed to slay the beast, and I thought that was the end. However, I then attended the funeral for all we had lost, and I realised that the Fae had not been killed, so I released then,and felt a great sense of joy. Every emotion, every touch felt completely real. I woke up disappointed that this hadn't happened.
This change has been long approaching. I have been feeling both my strength and mental fortitude returning to a state in which I can manifest my desire to further myself. Watch out world, Kexys is back on form.
I can imagine that in as little as a month or 2, I will finally be ahead, financially. And that will reduce my stress levels even further. Living off a food budget of ~£15 has not been fun for sure. I've done some things recently that seemed out of character for me, yet I'm glad I did them, even if I was turned down. I can also hope that this time next month I'll be back at Cheerleading properly. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time now. Though, my current health state is dire, I plan on fixing that with a regular routine and exercising. The boredom I faced today was a new feeling, one that I can only assume will help with my exercise. I mean, if I'm bored, I have an excuse to go and do something.
Quitting WoW raiding may be the best thing I have ever done. I think, in no little way, I was addicted to it. And although people joke about gaming addiction, its only after breaking the habit that you realise the true detrimental effect it had on your life. I mean sure, the only reason I got so into it was a series of unfortunate events, but the way I played was vicious and caused me to become a shell of the former me. The me that I now plan to reclaim.
I've read my former posts here, and they are all drivel. Hearty lovey-dovey crap. I was an emotional train wreck. I probably still am to some extent, but I'm not going to let that control me. I have the will here, not my anxiety. Aside from that whole shithole with the Jobcenter last week, everything has been going up and up so far. It took a special push to be able to quit WoW, and even though you are unaware you are responsible, you have changed my life for the better.
I am Kexys. not some whiny shell of a human being. Its time to ake a hold of my own life and fix it in a way that only I can. There are a few things I need to do first though.
1) Get a Job. As soon as possible. As many hours as possible, preferably in a field I enjoy, but any Job I could do would be welcome.
2) Get my ass back to Cheer. I love my squad, and in my heart I never ever stopped being a cheerleader. The only thing that going back can do is make me feel better about myself.
3) Conquer this Anxiety. Whether this means frequent trips ito the bar, until I can stomach the full place all night, or even just taking the lift upstairs to club. I'm going to focus my efforts on fixing what was broken.
4) Find myself a girlfriend. I'm sick of being the single one, or the friend zoned one. Its time I had a woman in my life. I deserve one dammit.
5) Try to be generally nicer to everyone. Spread love and tolerance people. Though, I'm not particularly not nice to anyone. Maybe I'll try and get others to be nicer to everyone.
Last night I had a fantastic dream. Me and a friend were travelling on a train or ship of some kind, and people were dying one by one. In the end, we enlisted the help of the Fae and saved the world. I remember a battle scene where one of our party, and 2 small faeries had slain the big bad, but it resurrected as some nasty tentacled monster on top of the train and killed them. Fortunately, I managed to slay the beast, and I thought that was the end. However, I then attended the funeral for all we had lost, and I realised that the Fae had not been killed, so I released then,and felt a great sense of joy. Every emotion, every touch felt completely real. I woke up disappointed that this hadn't happened.
This change has been long approaching. I have been feeling both my strength and mental fortitude returning to a state in which I can manifest my desire to further myself. Watch out world, Kexys is back on form.
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