Mind Reader

*Disclaimer* - This is not about anyone in particular, all points are general and just musings of an anxious mind.

I have an uncanny ability to read people.

That isn't up for debate. I listen, and I watch, and 19 times out of 20, my assessment is spot in the mark.

But what about that one time it isn't?

Every now and again, there are barriers to the truth, be it straight out lies, or rose coloured glasses, noone can be right all the time.

This causes problems.

My councillor today handed me a sheet of forms of negative thinking and asked which I felt I did, and the one that I resonated most with, was mind reading, assuming that people are going to say the things before they say them.

And though I'm not often wrong, sometimes it's disastrous.

Sometimes, you don't need to be wrong. When you can see in someones eyes and actions that they are lying, or that they aren't letting on everything that they are thinking, your choices are either to confront, and cause issues, or let it lie, and cause issues. It's surely a lose-lose.

But you can't turn it off.

There's no way I can stop noticing the way you subtle look away when you use that tone of voice you do when you lie, or that coyness and feigned innocence that belies a deeper motive.

The worst, is when I'm not even wrong, but the person refuses to acknowledge to themselves, or doesn't even realise what I'm saying is the truth, and while I become adamant it's happening they only fight harder to deny, even though they eventually realise it's the truth.

But then, the one time I'm wrong always seems to be the one I get stressed about. I've lost people because I've been adamant on a point that was wrong.

That's the balls about anxiety. I'd rather not notice, I'd rather be blissfully ignorant, but this head wont allow it. It MUST take everything in and come to a conclusion. A world in chaos is a scary thing, with order and logic comes security, and with understanding comes safety.

So please, if I jump to a conclusion and am vastly off the mark, please try not to get too angry with me, it's a symptom that I'm working on resolving, and I'll make it up to you for being a loggerhed. With cookies, or noodles.. Or something.

Baby steps. Building the foundation of a strong character on the ruins of the old.

Much love folks,

Kexys