Re:flection

Okay so, let's take a look back at where I am and how I got here.

Three weeks ago I was a wreck. Barely sustained by a life of escaping reality with no real purpose. Three weeks ago I had written off a year of my life to recover and become well. Three weeks ago I thought the world was scary. Three weeks ago I thought I was alone. Three weeks ago I thought everything hated me. Three weeks ago I wanted to curl up in my bed and never come out, because what was the point?

Two weeks ago I had a moment of lucidity and set myself on a course of life. Two weeks ago I was terrified. Two weeks ago I was a wreck. Two weeks ago I thought that I was doomed to fail and that everything I touched was going to become shit. Two weeks ago I decided to become strong. Two weeks ago I looked at healthy eating. Two weeks ago I consigned myself to get through whatever life threw at me. Two weeks ago I was seething with anger.

One week ago I learnt not everything is as scary as you perceive. One week ago I learnt you villainise people from your past as it helps you deal with losing them. One week ago I was beginning to feel accepted again. One week ago I had started my meat and salad diet. One week ago I noticed I was pulling my belt to more notches. One week ago I felt more healthy. One week ago I slept the night through. One week ago I found a part of myself I thought I'd lost.

Today I keep feeling better. Today I not only worked with someone I never thought I would, it was productive, we got a lot done, it was even kind of fun. Today made friends easily. Today I spoke out in a crowded room easily. Today I attempted to better myself off my own back. Today I realised I don't have to be "not broken", I just have to appreciate myself for what I am. Today I realised my anxiety isn't a curse, it's just a part of me. Today I'm sitting here not talking to someone I want to because I'm a fool.

Tomorrow I'm going to keep getting better. Tomorrow I'm not going to hold back. Tomorrow, I'm going to be me again. Tomorrow, I am nobodies fool.

Kexys