Moving forward

You can run and hide forever, but you'll never progress by doing so. The only way to move forward is to fight through your fears and overcome the obstacles you face. In my case, the obstacle was being anti-confrontational and anxious, so hiding from the world in response to a threat. But hiding away is not a good place to be.

Initially, I had written off the next year, as a chance to explore myself and become well again. But this break has taught me that there is no way that can be the case. Sitting alone, in my room is the exact opposite of what I need to sort myself out, and though the choice may be a bad one, it is the only one that made sense.

It's counter-intuitive for a sufferer of anxiety to throw themselves into a hostile environment, and I don't expect things to be sunshine and rainbows, not even the slightest. If I can survive this, however, I can survive anything this world wants to throw at me, The only way for me to recover is to take it head on and show the world I'm not afraid, even if inside, I'm terrified.

For those of you not in the know to what this is pertaining to, I have re-enrolled in University to do my third year again after my mental state knocked me for six last year. That wouldn't be a problem, as the only way I currently cope at my darkest is through channelling my emotions into my singing, so more of that is sure to help. However, my history with the class is.. Rocky to say the least, and many of them will not be happy to see me.

But whatever happens, I refuse to be bogged down. I will end this year with my head held high, having beaten every obstacle and being a hundred times stronger for it. That's the plan, anyway. If my time in the theatre has taught me anything:

Something has changed within me, something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game
Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep,
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes...
And leap.

Kexys