Smiley

42 unique hits since yesterday, more and more people are reading. 21 of them were from the US. I'm not sure I even know that many people from the US >.>

Why not smile? I go through some real shit, as I supposed everyone does. One of my friends says that how bad something is is relative, and she is pretty much right. But what about when nothing goes wrong but you feel shit about it anyway? Digression, I'm not actually down today. Tired maybe, looking at my workload for the next month, I suppose sleeping has become optional. Should be fun to manage it all.. Digressing again.

I was told today that I'm a very smiley person, something that I haven't been told since college. Does this mean I'm better? I don't know any more, I've gotten so used to wearing this mask, I'm not sure what I enjoy or want now. But I did feel happy, those little things that take me back to the person I want to be again. I think I'm going to get there soon :)

I've decided to do something for myself.

Every day, I will write one thing that made me happy that day, just for myself, it could be one word, it could be 100 pages, but I want to preserve all of the good memories as a way of bringing myself back and pulling me up, should I need it. I'm not going to publish it on here, as I'm not sure it's something I want everyone to say, these are my own private thoughts after all. Number 1 on that list, of course, is: Being told I'm a smiley person :)

I'm gonna fix myself. I don't care what it takes. No more sad! :D

Kex

PS. For those of you who wonder why I call myself Kexys. Kexys was the name of my online Avatar, people knew me as Kexys, and as you know, with internet anonymity, you can be the person you want, say what you want. The kind of person I want to be can do all that in real life. Kexys is a big part of me, as big as any other. If you know me, I suppose it's possible to figure out something about me by deciphering my name :) I'll let you think about that.